


I'm afraid I like you

by DoYouRealize



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Misunderstandings, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22806814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoYouRealize/pseuds/DoYouRealize
Summary: Renjun realizes that he's in love with Jaemin and doesn't know how to deal with his feelings. Jaemin doesn't understand why Renjun is behaving differently and tries to safe their friendship.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

  
"What are you thinking about?"  
Renjun startles and looks over to Jaemin who is standing in the middle of his room. He didn't even notice the door opening.  
'You' his mind provides but he can't say that out loud.  
"I'm just tired. What do you want?"  
"Who says I want something. Maybe I just like hanging out with you."  
"So you want to hang out?"  
As usual, Jaemin is irritated by his quick replies. Renjun sighs and moves so that Jaemin can sit down next to him on the bed of his dorm room. This place holds memories he isn't too fond of. Well, maybe he is kind of fond of them, but he wouldn't admit that. 

Jaemin had been absent from promotions for over a year due to his injury. It was awkward between the two at first because they never roomed together before and didn't have much time to get closer otherwise. Renjun had always liked the carefree and spontaneous boy and soon they became friends. They talked a lot and Renjun realized that Jaemin kept many things to himself and that he was more thoughtful than it seemed at first. When they talked they usually sat on his bed until Jaemin moved back to his own, often past midnight. It was summer and it was warm and Jaemin often walked around with quite exposing clothes. Renjun didn't admit to himself how much he liked the youngers toned body and his pretty face. Instead he told himself he was jealous. 

There was one day that changed everything. It was the night before Jaemins birthday. It was almost midnight and they were still up and made bets on who in the group would congratulate the younger first.   
"I don't really have a present to be honest" Renjun admits.  
Jaemin, who sat on the end on his bed, shrugged.  
"Most won't have one anyways."  
Renjun didn't really think before he asked the next question.   
"What do you want from me then?"  
"A kiss?"  
Jaemin replied without missing a beat. Renjun knew that it was meant as a joke and that he shouldn't feel weird about it. Still, when the clock striked midnight he lifted himself up and looked Jaemin in the eyes before pecking his nose. It was also meant as a joke but he felt his world shifting when he fell back onto the bed. Jaemin didn't notice anything and just laughed and checked his phone. Renjun was struck with the sudden realization that he wanted more, that he wanted to kiss the younger properly. He was still shocked by his own feelings when the door opened and the rest of the group appeared with a cake and drinks.

From then on it was kind of awkward between them and Jaemin did notice now because he changed his behavior around him as well. He was more careful and didn't tell him as much about himself anymore. They never confronted each other about it. A month later he moved out of the room and things became normal again, at least almost. They were joking around like they used to and sometimes they shared their concerns. There is still some kind of barrier between them, but Renjun isnt sure if that's just his imagination. 

"You can't be tired, we didn't have promotions in six months."   
"Sometimes people are just being tired, Jaemin."   
"Drink more coffee then."   
"Hell no, thank you very much."  
Jaemin laughs and rests his head on Renjuns shoulder, something he hasn't done since the incident. Renjun tenses and Jaemin lifts his head up.  
"Do you mind when I do that?"  
"No, I don't, I was just surprised."  
Jaemin looks relieved and leans on his shoulder again.   
"Jisung hates when I do this."  
Renjun wonders if Jisung has a similar friendship with Jaemin as he used to have. It's quiet for a moment until Renjun can't resist asking.   
"Is everything okay between us?"   
He has been worried about that for months and can't hold himself back anymore. He thought that Jaemin would just brush it off but the younger pauses. Renjun is getting seriously worried until Jaemin starts talking, carefully choosing his words.  
"I wanted to ask you the same thing for quite some time now. It's like something changed between us and I don't know if I did anything wrong."  
"What? No, you didn't do anything wrong. What could've been wrong with what you're doing?"  
"That was why I was so confused."  
Jaemin answers smirking.  
"But seriously, I can be too touchy and annoying, I thought I scared you off."  
"You didn't", Renjun half lied. It wasn't Jaemins fault that he felt attracted to him. Nervously Renjun continued speaking.   
"I miss talking to you at night."  
"Want me to sleep here? I miss it as well. At least you didn't have to see me crying over my dumb problems for the past months."  
"Who did you talk to?" Renjun asks.  
"What do you mean?"  
"The things you usually told me."  
Jaemin bites his lip.  
"Well, I still talk to you from time to time. I also talk to Jeno sometimes and he is a good listener but it's obvious that he doesn't like emotional topics."  
Renjun nods in understanding. They were all close but it's not easy to talk about some things with everyone. 

They catch up on a lot of things that night. Jaemin isn't as anxious about his back anymore and tries to eat healthier. Renjun tells him about some cousins who got his number from his family and try to contact him all the time. At first it was nice but now they are getting pretty annoying. Since the other bed isn't made Jaemin lies down next to Renjun who soon realizes that the younger has fallen asleep and isn't listening anymore.

Renjun wakes up when the door opens the next morning. Sleepily he can't figure out why Chenle stares at him with wide eyes until he realizes that Jaemins arm is wrapped around him and even their hands are intervened.


	2. Chapter 2

Renjun almost falls out of the bed which wakes Jaemin up.  
"Where am I.. Uhm, good morning."  
Jaemin retreats his arm from Renjuns torso and they both stand up without saying a word to each other. They grab some things and move quietly out of the room while Chenle still watches them confused. After the two leave the room Chenle stands there for a few more seconds until he runs to Jisungs room, probably to tell him what he just saw.

Renjun is still not thinking clear and tries to make himself breakfast. Jaemin sighs and stops him when he sees that the older is trying to eat cereal with a fork.  
"Are you okay? I'm sorry if I surprised you, I didn't realize I was.. hugging you."  
"Oh, that? That's fine, I don't care."  
Renjun lies and takes the spoon Jaemin hands him without looking him in the eyes.  
"Why are you so distracted then?"  
"Can you leave me alone for a while? I don't have to tell you everything."  
"I guess you don't."  
Jaemin sounds annoyed as well, he clearly tried to be helpful and doesn't like that it's not appreciated. He makes himself coffee and walks out of the room without saying another word.

"What's going on between the two of you again?"  
It has been two hours of practice and of course Donghyuck already noticed something. Renjun rolls his eyes and shrugs.  
"You don't have to tell me but maybe it could help?"  
"Why does everyone think that I have to talk to them all the time? Let me figure it out alone."  
"I literally said that you don't have to.. Okay, nevermind. But I'm not even here most of the time and I notice it and it's not good for our team. The whole group dynamic is off."   
Renjun knows that the younger is right. Also it's not like he doesn't want to talk about it, he just can't. Or can he?  
"It's just complicated. I don't know who to trust enough to share."  
"It may not seem like that sometimes since we're not talking about serious stuff most of the time but if you need someone, I'm always here, you know. You can talk to me about anything, really."  
Hesitantly Renjun agrees.   
"But it has to be somewhere else."  
"Let's just go to 127s dorm after practice, the others are going shopping today. If that's okay with you?"  
"Yeah, sure. Thanks, I guess?"  
Donghyuck laughs about Renjuns awkwardness. They were always arguing, not in a serious way but still, actually talking to each other was rare for them. Renjun doesn't really know what to expect.

"Do you want some chocolate? Johnny bought it but I'm sure he doesn't mind."  
"That's what you always say when you steal our food."  
Despite that Renjun takes a bite, mostly because he's nervous, before he sits down on the bed. Donghyuck is still walking around the room, moving some clothes around.   
"How are you always this energetic?"  
Renjun had always wanted to ask the younger that but now he does it mostly to distract from the actual reason they were there. Donghyuck probably notices but he plays along.   
"I'm not, it just seems like that because I like to talk a lot. I guess I also learned how to safe up energy, but it wasn't always like that. Why do you ask, are you not feeling well?"  
"No, that's not it, everything is fine, I just couldn't imagine doing more than I already do. I need time to recharge."  
Donghyuck takes another bite of the chocolate before he sits down next to Renjun.  
"Actually I could need more time for myself as well. But I also like living like this, always moving somewhere, always experiencing something new."  
"So you're fine?"  
"Yes, Renjun, I'm fine. We are here to talk about your problems anyway."  
So he noticed the distraction, Renjun thinks.  
"It's.. Complicated. I'm not even sure if I should tell you. I probably shouldn't, it was a mistake."  
He tries to stand up but Donghyuck catches his arm and pulls him back down.  
"Now that we are here, at least tell me something. It doesn't have to be the thing that worries you so much, if you don't trust me yet."  
They end up talking about many different things. It soon moves on to complaining about other group members and Renjun has to laugh about Donghyucks accurate depiction of their annoying traits.  
"Honestly, he's lucky he's so pretty."  
Donghyuck laughs at his own words but stops when Renjun stares at him in surprise. Hesitantly the latter asks  
"You like Mark because he's pretty?"   
"You know I'm joking. That's not the only reason I like him."   
Renjun raises an eyebrow.   
"So you admit that you like him?"  
Donghyuck looks to the side and back towards Renjun and for some reason they both start grinning and Donghyuck falls to the side and hides his face with a pillow.   
"It doesn't matter, he doesn't like me that way anyways."  
Renjun is confused. Is it so easy for Donghyuck to admit that he likes a guy? Is it not a big thing for him? Or does he trust Renjun that much? Maybe he's still joking, he never knows with Donghyuck.  
"How do you know?"  
"How do I know what?"  
"That Mark doesn't like you. Maybe he does? You two seem very close sometimes."  
"He seems pretty straight if you ask me.."  
This gives Renjun reassurance and he takes this as an opportunity to change the topic.  
"Who doesn't seem straight to you then?"  
"I don't know. Actually I don't like labeling people, I just say that because I don't want to get my hopes up."  
Renjun doesn't want to say anything but he can't stop himself.   
"B- Because I'm not. Straight, I mean, I like, I.."   
Renjun notices tears in his eyes and swallow unintelligently which causes Donghyuck to look up from his pillow.  
"Are you crying? Wait, is this my fault?"   
"No, it's just, I guess it's the reason I fought with Jaemin?"   
"You are sad because of him?"   
"Well, kinda?"   
He is surprised how angry Donghyuck suddenly seems.   
"If he said anything homophobic and made you feel bad about yourself I swear I will -"   
Renjun starts laughing through his tears when he realizes that Donghyuck misunderstood.   
"That's not what happened, he doesn't know. Nobody knows, you are the first person I ever told. It's just.. I might have a crush on him? Maybe?"   
Donghyuck looks surprised for a second and then he is smiling again, almost mocking him.   
"You fell for that idiot? Well good luck then. And I thought I had to.. talk to him."  
Donghyuck thinks for a second before he smirks in Renjuns direction.   
"Maybe I should talk to him anyways? I mean, maybe I could find out if he likes you back. If you want me to do that."   
"You would do that for me? That would be great actually. Just please, please be subtle."   
In that moment Donghyuck grabs Johnny's entire remaining chocolate and Renjun sighs. 

It's already dark when Renjun returns to his dorm. He steps into his room, switches the light on and startles. Jaemin is sitting on his bed, he is wearing pyjamas and looks at him with an apologetic expression.  
"We should stop doing that, you know? Like arguing and ignoring each other. It -"  
Renjun doesn't let him finish and runs towards the younger to hug him tight.  
"I'm so sorry I snapped at you, it wasn't your fault I was in a bad mood. I'm so thankful that you always try to lift me up and I can't believe you're not mad at me."  
"I wasn't mad, I was confused. I want to know you better, but I forget that shouldn't force you to talk to me."  
Renjun finally feels the tension disappearing and is thinking positively again. He is surprised how mature Jaemin has become and hopes he'll get there as well. Even if he can't have Jaemin as a boyfriend, he has an amazing friend already and it genuinely makes him happy.

This night they are more comfortable around each other and they aren't surprised when they wake up in a similar position as last night, this time facing each other.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure yet in which direction this is going tbh so feel free to share any suggestions.


End file.
